"Just One More Thing"

I’ve had a tiny, achievable goal for a while – to own a wine glass. A long-stemmed glass, elegant. For that one or two drinks in the evening. I said I’d wait until there was a kitchen shelf capable of housing a glass like that, and there almost is so I broke down and bought one. At Tesco, for 50p. Carried it in its own “road case” as Eric called it (the cardboard caddy they were selling them in) for three weeks, in and out of hotel rooms even. Thrilled to my first glass at home – perching on the couch, glass in hand, no more generic jelly jar or that squat amber French nonbreakable glass. The fantasy was real.

And then today I broke the glass.

I’m sure I can find another. The car is another story. It really is gone. Stolen from outside the garage where it had been repaired. The garagiste is mortified. He may know who did it but he tried getting near the place and the dogs came after him and scared him off. He asked the local police and they told him they were afraid of the dogs too.

I made like Columbo today, hanging around the shop across the street from the garage, seeing what was up. In honesty the only similarity between me and Columbo is that I was wearing a raincoat. I heard people in the shop talking about how “no one will park near here now” and strained to make out more. It’s true, there have been more cars stolen lately. But the people in the shop were chuckling about it – do they know something?

We’ve got a plan, maybe only in our heads, involving a gang of us and an ambulance and some very loudspeakers playing “Ride Of The Valkyries”. And a cage with meat and tranquilizers.

And a toast to the prodigal Ford Escort, with a slightly sturdier wineglass.

12 thoughts on “"Just One More Thing"

  1. the fly in the web

    Love the idea…because it's the only way you'll see the car again.Check that the gendarmerie station in the area in which you propose to give a musical interlude is off duty, too…or you'll end up in chokey…being easier targets that wild hillybillies with dogs.

  2. The Hound

    You better move fast because most likely it's being stripped for parts. Best thing is to report a fake fire at the address of the shop across from the garage so the fire dept. and cops have to go in there and check the place out. Make sure you're around and if you see the Escort you can report it to the police in front of lots of witnesses, also film it on your phone.

  3. Ed Ward

    Yeah, you'd be stupid to steal a car and leave it locally, what with the Russian chop-shop guys around who'll disappear it for you and hand you cash on the barrelhead. Some local's made a connection, and that's why the cars are vanishing.

  4. amy

    Maybe when there's Loto on, Fly?An excellent idea Hound, though witnesses are hard to come by around here – we may need to import a few.I thought I already had, Anonymous (Astrovan)? But I guess this one could be a kind of vigilante justice number…Love the use of the word "disappear" as a transitive verb Ed! Don't think I've seen that before.

  5. the fly in the web

    If you have one of those huge discotheques stuck out in the wilds, the gendarmerie usually infest that at closing times on the weekends…or you could make an anonymous tip off as to drug use therat….so all the local stations will be there…while you are…elsewhere.

  6. amy

    Either that or the crappy mustard jar which I decided to toss, ET.I'm ignorant in that dept. Ed, don't even know where to begin.None of those big discos around here Fly (or else when I see one I automatically block it out) but we did get the garagiste to tell us the location of the place with the dogs.

  7. the fly in the web

    I await news of fifty gendarmes wearing cagoules so as not to be identifiable surrounding your house at 5.00 am one morning on the basis of having read your blog….And I'm fleeing the country before they get me as an accomplice…

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